The United States has a German coach? Never would've thunken. And it seems there's even a few players in the stars and stripes who were born in deutsch country.

Group "G" on Day "D" (because of this match). There's Ronaldo, Obama, Merkel, and G-Force. I don't think the group of death is really the group of death. Oh look!; they're Group "D"!

Ronaldo was named after Reagan, but it doesn't seem like he or his crew really felt like telling it to the team of the land of Brian Backer. #disappointed

The reigning champion of the FIFA world cup (as well as of the UFA Euro [sic]) is Spain. The reigning champion of Spain is Felipe. The reigning champion of Felipe must be Philip J. Fry.

If Spain loses to Australia I'm gonna Felipe out.

Also, check out this brilliant headline by NBC News.

So? Wasn't Spain eliminated in the round of 16 in the last tournament? And by "the last tournament" I mean the 2006 world cup.

I know it's almost summer, but it just got kind of chilly.

Seems Portugal will have to "Concentrão" on the remaining players.

I didn't know Queen and Adam Lambert raced bicycles. *opens Cycle sport Wikipedia article, reads second note* Oh; come on!

Friday's Spain–Netherlands was the 2010 final; today's Germany–Portugal was the 2006 third-place match. Both matches begin with a penalty; both matches have a four-goal difference. Who was responsible for this draw? Blatter; vas zis yaw doing? Did you bribe the referee? Oh; never mind; you're Swiss, not German.

Godzil beats Cryatia. Don't worry, Zagreb; you guys are in front of both Mexico and Cameroon in the FIFA world ranking, and everyone knows rankings are what determines tournaments.

W.C. (!= water closet) opens with own goal? That can't be a good sign. (By the way, why does Google identify "wc" as "world cup"? Has the soccer fever gotten that serious?)

Way to go, holy father XVI. First Alex Fuckyourson hit the Stamford bricks; now Don Juan de la Mancha de la Vega is going to abdicate after 40 years on the throne so he can move to Rome and serve as secretary of state to Pope Spancis (a portmanteau of "Spanish" and "Francis"). Who's next on the "I'ma resign on yo asses. Adiós, mofos" train? Rupert "The Fox of Wall Street" Murdoch?